czechthisout's Xanga

Storytimes

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 03:57:30 GMT

It's interesting to look at yourself through someone else's eyes. Getting to know someone means putting into words things you haven't thought about in years - explaining emotions of long drawn out stories that don't take as long to explain as the importance you felt they had on your life. At least it's nice when he tells you you're interesting, and seems to be genuinely impressed with how you've handled those trying moments. And the more you tell your story, the more of those harsh realities seem to come up than you realized you had dealt with.

It's enough to make a person feel strong, bold even.

Maybe even independent. Some day.

Life Goals

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 03:52:33 GMT

Quick recap of my life goals:

See the Rolling Stones live
See Billy Joel live
Drink beer at noon on Tuesday in a bar that faces a giant car wash
Listen to "Vienna" by Billy Joel while walking through the streets of Vienna
Find out where my people are from in the Czech Republic and go there with my dad
Run through the arches in Salzburg like in the Sound of Music

It seems that life goal #2 will be achieved this very December. Tuesday, December 4, my life goal list will fit on the fingers of one hand.

And if you happen to ever see a bar that faces a giant car wash, please notify me immediately.

Paolo Nutini in Dallas and you should be there

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 18:20:49 GMT

Paolo Nutini will be playing the House of Blues in Dallas Tuesday October 23

Buy your tickets online now, and I can guarantee you will be in good company:
http://www.hob.com/tickets/eventdetail.asp?eventid=47653

In case you haven't experienced the joy that is Paolo Nutini live in concert lately, here's a taste:

Paolo covering "I wanna be like you"
(That's right, from the Jungle Book)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toviyEGt96w

Paolo covering "Crazy"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuaDDPlAo2g&mode=related&search=

Paolo's single "New Shoes"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kg_KCsi6aw

Note the beautiful hunched over Scottish man whose accent is so thick you can't understand a word.

The best part? I can walk there from work.

Life lessons, and next time I'll just hit the raccoons.

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 03:38:05 GMT

If I have learned anything coming out of this crazy whirlwind of a summer, it is that life is not simple.

Things are not easy. Everyone has their fair share of life disruption. Plans change.

Emotion. Shock. Drama. Heartbreak. Change. It's happening all around us.

This is the point at which priorities become clear. Emotions become unchecked. Friends become sacred.

Last night as my car spun out across Highway 6, I spoke outloud to myself "I'm going to die. I'm going to die." I don't think I ever really believed it, but in my mind I did see an image of myself suspended in my car, lying on its side in a ditch. I imagined who I would call and what I would say. How I wouldn't make it to work the next day and how though I would be shaken by how close I came to the unthinkable, I would be glad that I had absolutely no regrets.

After spinning through dust for what seemed like a minute (but I'm sure was only a few seconds), I found myself backed up on the opposite side of the highway. I turned the car off and took a heavy breath of burnt rubber and exhaust. A few seconds later I was on my way as if nothing had happened.

I don't quite know where I'm going with this.

All I can say is that things rarely turn out how you wish them to, and sometimes it's simply regaining control when you're spinning that seems the biggest battle.

Ramble on.

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 20:25:50 GMT

My travel plans for the next few months appear to be shaking up as follows:

August 3/4                      Austin, TX
August 10/11                 DFW (Jillian's wedding)
August 31- Sep. 2(?)         CSTX for football v Montana St and Labor Day
September 8/9                   CS Aggie football v. Fresno St
September 14/15/16          Austin, TX for Austin City Limits Music Festival of joy and wonderment
September 21/22 (tent.)     CS for the birthday (mine)/ ring dunk (mariah's, et al.) bash of the season
September 28/29               CS Aggie football v. Baylor
October 5/6                       CS Aggie football v. OSU

Catch me if you can (and I sincerely hope you will).

Peace

Hell hath no fury.

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 02:47:35 GMT

I can not believe you. So much for us ever being friends.

(Work is going well, by the way.)

36 hours until adulthood.

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 00:13:56 GMT

Things were going really well for a while there. After a little inevitable heartbreak in College Station and a haircut to make me feel like a new person, I embarked on the most amazing roadtrip anyone has ever taken with the greatest company and the best adventures a girl could ask for. A few more adventures (including tackling both Greenville, Texas and the GRE in the same week) and life got still again. My Mom moved out today and I am beginning to see what life is going to be like in this chapter... and it's getting monotonous already.

I know a ton of wonderful people in Dallas, but they require forward planning and some gas to enjoy their company. I miss being able to just swing by the Villas or being perfectly content to waste the day away with marathons at the 212. Some good friends and a few glasses of wine, and the bleakest of situations is a party. Now I find myself sitting in my room, watching Monday morning and my so-called adult life rush toward me a mile a minute. While I just sit here. Very still. Attempting not to incur any more debt. And taking it lying down.

I am terrified that my new life is not going to be what I thought. It's Saturday night and I'm feeling trapped.

Anxiety outshines awkward.

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 21:33:06 GMT

Tonight is my sister's 16th birthday dinner. All four of us will be there. I suppose they are going to pretend like we are a happy family while I have to sit there and try not to suffocate from being crushed by the elephant in the room. I'm ready for my mom to move out. Two more weeks. Coincidentally, two more weeks until I start work.

On top of all that, anxiety that I've probably been wasting God-knows-how-much time on someone who is more than likely about to let me down. Preparing myself for the worst is not making it better, as more and more the worst seems inevitable. I've been told that now is a time for me to be selfish with my time, but all I want to do with my time is be with him. When I'm with him, I forget about my Lifetime Movie life... and I'm going to miss the feeling I get when we're together if it all goes down the way I'm predicting.

Enough already.

Tue, 29 May 2007 20:52:54 GMT

My parents are getting divorced.

June 19th is their 25th wedding anniversary.

Thanks for all the love thus far. You are all amazing.

Freak out.

Sat, 26 May 2007 18:55:04 GMT

We all know my intense aversion to change, and we are also well aware that it is that same need to be in control that leads me to despise myself anytime I get emotional. Noted.

I have spent the entirety of my time in Coppell (a solid 20 hours thus far) absolutely freaking out. I feel like a wreck. Last night I started crying and couldn't stop. Today, all I can think about is how very much I hate this. I attempted sleep on the couch, because I couldn't bear the thought of sleeping in my room that is completely covered in boxes... and tossed and turned all night.

Why is this so hard? I was sure that the one advantage to delaying my dreams of moving away would be the easy transition. Where is it? When does it get better? Why do I feel like I'm suffocating? Why do I feel like my life is over? What makes me think escaping to College Station next week will make it better?

I really don't want to live by myself, and would save a lot of money by living with someone. But there are no options for me until December. Anyone looking for a roommate in Dallas in August? Let me know. At this rate I'll never make it to December.

At least all this "woe is me" is distracting me from the inevitably heartbreaking conversation that awaits come Monday.

Bring on College Station... and a week to calm me down.